Money Woes

Why is it so hard to break out the lower middle class?? Unforeseen circumstances since last summer have dwindled my savings by over $6000. First, I ended up spending something like 3x more in Finland than I expected to because we were out of a place to stay. Then there were car issues and living off my savings while trying to find a job. Then there were the medical bills with no insurance and deposits on apartments and everyday household items. And finally college (including a new laptop) and books. It makes me sick to think about. It makes me sick to log into my bank account or my credit card account. I don't know how I am ever going to recover my savings to what it was.

I've been working and saving since I was 15. I deeply resent the fact that I've had to do this to essentially pay for my own transportation because my grades were much more mediocre than they could have been. Maybe I would never have stopped with Physics and would be on the right track now. I went to college thinking things would get better, thinking I would be making a comfortable living after graduating. I now make less than $30k a year so that I can have health benefits. I now counted on having a Saturday job, where I can now no longer work. I'm already stretched so thin. I barely spend money on myself that isn't food. In the past month, I've spent $40 on an oil change, $70 on a new serpentine belt for my car, $100 for new front brakes and rotors, $105 for a new battery and now $140 for a new alternator and $168 in towing - $623 in repairs and maintenance. THANKFULLY, Chris has helped me out a ton and probably saved me more than $20 on the brakes, $10 on the battery, and $20 for the alternator. I feel like I should be looking into getting another car, but my savings in so uncomfortably low that I don't want to touch it.

These decisions are so tough to make and I always feel like I make the wrong decision and have to YET AGAIN learn from my mistakes. I always wish I had some sort of mentor to give me advice and guide me in the right direction. Now, I also have to figure out how to pay for the rest of college. I feel like my options are so limited and I refuse to go into debt, so I don't know how I am going to make it. What kills me is $623 like this will make or break me and throw EVERYTHING off, but is like pennies to other people.

I think I'll end on focusing on what I DO have and what I am thankful for because every good rant needs this kind of balance.

1. Chris who has been a godsend in this whole process. He has work and then an exam right after and is coming right to my house after to install an alternator at 9 p.m. His selflessness seriously brings tears to my eyes. I have no idea how I am going to ever repay him for all of the amazing things he's done for me.
2. My Aunt Kathleen for riding me to PepBoys today and her and my Uncle John for giving me this truck to begin with. I honestly don't feel like I deserve the kindness they've afforded over the years.
3. Luke, who rode me to PepBoys a few days ago and didn't complain once that my terrible day was hindering his and in the way of getting his stuff done.
4. Being employed and not having to worry about my health or a steady paycheck coming in. Also, having a wonderful understanding boss and co-workers who are ready and willing to help me out, drive me to work, cover the phones, and just generally be sympathetic.
5. The AAA service person and gentleman who stopped to make sure I was alright and who offered to tow me at least from the dangerous spot where I had broken down and who also saved me money by having me purchase a AAA membership and also the peace of mind that I won't have to worry about breaking down and being stranded again.
6. Finally feeling like I have a home.
7. No longer feeling ill every single day.
8. Knowing what I want to do with my life... no matter how hard sometimes it seems like to get there.

Yesterday

I didn't find my headphones, but I did buy them out of a vending machine for $3.80 in the new Retriever Learning Center (RLC) yesterday at UMBC! Vending machine? You read it right! They have one with pencils, pens, staplers, headphones, calculators, etc. I had almost exactly $4.00 on my campus card so I treated myself, as my headphones and ipod USB adapter have been missing since the move.

Yesterday was certainly an odd day. Headphones out of vending machines and CERN possibly BREAKING LIGHT SPEED!! I had originally planned to leave the RLC when my friend texted me to tell me he'd gotten to Astronomy Club, but I finished a calculus problem with 15 minutes until Astronomy Club started, so I thought it not best to delve into another problem. I walked in and sat down and as people were filing in, exclamation like "Physics is broken!" were being said. Someone mentioned that CERN had broken lightspeed. I became overwhelmed with excitement so, I immediately looked it up. For up to an hour after, I was shaking and my heart was pounding at the implications of this. If it is true, it sure is going to change a lot! Exciting times for Physics ahead!

CERN: Light Speed May Have Been Exceeded By Subatomic Particle

“GENEVA — One of the very pillars of physics and Einstein’s theory of relativity – that nothing can go faster than the speed of light – was rocked Thursday by new findings from one of the world’s foremost laboratories.

European researchers said they clocked an oddball type of subatomic particle called a neutrino going faster than the 186,282 miles per second that has long been considered the cosmic speed limit….

CERN reported that a neutrino beam fired from a particle accelerator near Geneva to a lab 454 miles (730 kilometers) away in Italy traveled 60 nanoseconds faster than the speed of light. Scientists calculated the margin of error at just 10 nanoseconds. (A nanosecond is one-billionth of a second.)”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/22/cern-light-speed_n_977014.html

SPS

So, my plans of joining and actively participating in the Society of Physics Students (SPS) are foiled because they meet on weekdays at noon. I did, however, email the President to offer my services and get on the listserv. The following email correspondence to the entire group makes me even more disappointed about the meeting times:

tick tock

I had my first official break down of the semester today. I guess we all have horrible days like today every once in a while. Mine started with being almost 45 minutes late to work sitting in traffic and being forced to use my grinded down brake pads that I just KNOW are wearing down my rotors. I am paying Chris to put new ones on on Friday, but I am just so terrified my car won;t make it that long. With class directly after work Mon-Thurs, there simply aren't enough hours in the day for car repairs.

Once I got in, I had to de-duplicate a mailing list.... which is basically taking off all of the duplicate entries that arise due to married couples being solicited together. So, I had to delete one spouse and change the salutation. This excel file had 21,000-some rows and it took all day long. At the end of the day, when I went to sort my list to get rid of the spaces, I got a continual error stating that there were not enough free space to perform that function. There wasn't even enough free space to delete one single row T_T So, tomorrow, I get to do the entire thing all over again. That was just the beginning...

I get to my calculus class and realize that we have a quiz in discussion that I did not even realize. I was not super pressed because we get to drop something like 4 quizzes, even though that would definitely start me off on the wrong foot. I just go ahead now and say I did terrible on the quiz because I couldn't factor something with a fraction in it quick enough because my dumb ass had been relying on my calculator too much in doing homework as a way to save time.

Lastly, after class, let's just say I had a humiliating "female problem" (also in Computer Science I was made to come up the board and I wrote "6" first for 100/64... so dumb).

I just want this so bad. I've never wanted something so badly in my life. I want to be in school. I want to be learning. I need more time in the day. I am not sleeping, I am filling up so much spare time with homework and studying (when I am not taking care of things like bills and car repairs and grocery shopping) and there still doesn't seem like enough time in the day. I didn't even want to write this entry... but it is probably an important chronicle. Now, I just need to work on being jealous of everyone else who has time to study :/

First Day Back (ie. Summer is Officially Over)

Yesterday brought the first day of classes and much hustle and bustle both here at Towson University and at UMBC. I got to take a trip on campus today to deliver a package and meet one of our Founder's Society co-chairs and headed over to our 7800 Building. There, I saw a gaggle of students lounging, sipping Starbucks, playing on their phones, and sleeping... all dressed to the nines in their brand new school clothes. What a stark contrast stepping onto campus at UMBC, though! Most just seemed to be wearing their favorite shirt (ie. a faded zelda shirt, tie dye, etc.) and I overheard at least two conversations about "leveling up" and "raiding". The boy who sat next to me in Calculus II was reading Hawking's Illustrated "A Brief History of Time/The Universe in a Nutshell". Speaking of nutshells, I also got to see the infamous UMBC squirrels in all of their hole-digging, tree-gymnastics glory.

The verdict on my Calculus II class? It's going to be a TON of work and very difficult. My teacher, thankfully, is very enthusiastic and detailed. However, he talks like a madman... so quickly! I decided halfway through the class that I will not be able to take the Saturday Finnish classes. I will take them next semester as a reward for doing well this semester (and if I still know I can handle it). Bad news, though, is that the bookstore was closed before I could buy books yesterday so I am already one day behind on homework. I am so anxious to get started! :D